Ode to Cruzer

I am grieving the loss of my dog Cruzer. I gave him up for adoption Saturday cause he was not getting along with Ian. Cruzer was very nervous around him and would often whimper when Ian was around. We have had Cruzer in our home for 3 yrs. He was adopted at a no-kill shelter in September 2005. The day I met him he jumped right up and kissed me on the lips. Cruzer was a stray and very skinny that September day. You could see his ribs and his hip bones clearly. His hair was very coarse and dirty but his personality shined through all of this and we decided to take him home to live with us. Right away he ran around the yard like a jack rabbit with bright eyes and a gaping smile. Tyler played fetch with him for a while in the yard and took to Cruzer immediately. I really thought that Cruzer would be a companion for Tyler and Barkley would be my baby. As time went on Cruzer and I began to bond more and more. Soon he was by my side waiting for me right by the door when I took a shower or went the bathroom. He would lie silently on the floor each time and wait for me to emerge and then where ever I went, he would make the rounds with me. When we met Cruzer at the shelter Barkley was the least impressed of all of us. Barkley snarled at Cruzer at their first meet, when we brought Cruzer home Barkley seemed to say, "What in the heck are you doing here and when, pray tell are your going to leave. For three years Cruzer endured many reprimands from Barkley asserting his dominance and Cruzer seemed to take all the snaps, barking and chasing instride. He gladly let Barkley know what he respected his Alpha-ness and overall kept his distance when Barkley got haughty. Barkley was also very poorly socialized if at all when we got him. But in time Cruzer who tried for months, finally got Barkley to play with him on a daily basis. It was a miracle by my measure as Barkley only ever barked at dogs but Cruzer the wonder dog was able to bring that out in him. Our son Ian was born on Feb 14th 2008. I thought from the begining Cruzer, our easy going submissive pooch would get along great with Ian and Barkley our jealous dominat dog would be the one to have problems. But as Ian grew and became more mobile, the opposite proved true. All Cruzers anxiety around Ian came to a climax when one day Ian crawled up the stairs to Cruzers bowl, and began playing in his food. Cruzer remained calm and I took Ian and put him downstairs near his daddy so the dogs could continue to eat. Ian then climed the stairs again and this time took Cruzers bowl and tipped it over spilling all the food on the floor. This time, Cruzer got mad and nipped Ian at the bridge of his nose. It was no deeper then a scratch but Tyler was sold at that instant that Cruzers days were numbered in our household. I tearfully pleaded that we could make it work and Tyler gave me a 30 day time frame. Well, in those 30 days Cruzer got more and more nervous around Ian. Though he did not ever bite Ian again, he would whimper and bark at him. Finally, Tyler placed an add in Craigslist and started the process of finding Cruzer a new home. On Saturday March 7th. A women came over with her boyfriend to meet Cruzer and see if they got along. Right away, the took to him and wanted to take him home. I got the leash put in on Cruzer and the walked out the door down the steps and into her car. Most of Saturday I was hoping that Cruzer was adjusting well to Sara and John and his new home. I worried that night if he would feel lonely and sad with out us. Sunday morning Sara was great about emailing me to let me know that he was doing well and that she adored him even after he pooped in Pet Smart. But on Sunday night, I became overcome with emotion. Since then, I can't stop crying thinking about him and his sweet happy personality. I Remember him always by my side, following me everywhere around the house like a shadow, close like an appendage. It is hard not having him near me sitting next to me..waiting by the door for me...so loyal, so present. Now that space beside me that kept Cruzer's company is vacant. I really thought that the day Cruzer left would be cathartic for Barkley who from day one would emphasize his dominance over Cruzer. I thought that he would be content to go back to being our one and only. The two of them use to follow me around the house together Barkley being older only half as much as Cruzer. I thought that at least I will have Barkley after Cruzer leaves. But Barkley now spends 95% of the day on the couch or at the window. When I let him outside, he lingers there waiting or looking for something that should be there but isn't anymore. Loosing Cruzer for right now has not been like loosing one dog but two, Like Barkley surrendered those traits that Cruzer brought out in him when Cruzer took his final exit. In time, I really hope that Barkley comes around, I hope the heart ache that I feel catches wind of a spark of joy and laughter instead of tears when I remember Cruzer Doo.

Surley Temple

This weekend was very busy but very exciting. At the end of last month Tyler and I took a temple class to get ready for a possible visit to the temple. Tyler was not sure when we would officially go but I thought right away seemed like a great idea. Anyway, I wanted this even to be special so I booked a room at a golf course near my house and sent out invitations. Then I bought Ian a white tux, Tyler a white suit and a temple dress for me. As I got into the plans they got more and more elaborate as I decided hey, we are getting sealed in the temple, this is like a wedding right? So I bought a wedding dress which was elegant and simple got a photographer and put together a menu for the guests which included chocolate dipped strawberries, croissant sandwiches, fruit ka-bobs veggie tray punch and a beautiful cake. Alicia, my sister was a great help in this endeavor in that she flew into Minneapolis in a huge snow storm and stayed up each night with me working on details of projects that I started. The night after the endowment, She stayed up with me until 2 am getting together the fruit and then I stayed up that night making the veggie trays and fresh flower vases for the tables.

Everything seemed ready to go in the morning when I woke up. Alicia did my hair, my dress fit perfect. We got to the temple in plenty of time. Alicia and I prepped in the Brides room and relaxed when I was all dressed and ready to go. Our Sealing started at 11am and I was told that the ceremony takes about 20 minutes on average and 30 minutes at the most. My photographer was waiting in the waiting room and would be ready at 20 after 11 to take pictures. It was 11:07 when I started to get nervous, at 11:15 they got me from the Brides room and sat me down next to Tyler. Finally at 20 after the ceremony began. The person presiding was talking all over the place like a unprepared freshman on the first day of speech class. He had some nice things to say don't get me wrong but we took the long way to get there. At 11:45 the room was getting uncomfortable. People began laughing silently, smirking and generally shifting around in their chairs wondering when this was going to end. When they brought Ian in it was cute to see him in his tux for the first time. That moment lasted about 30 seconds which was the moment that he recognized me from all the people in the room. He started to frown and then cry and finally he screamed to be in my arms. Everyone was aching to put this all to an end and I think Ian cued the presider that he better wrap this up or it was going to get ugly in a hurry. At about 12pm, we finally got out of there. I booked it to the brides room to collect my stuff and ran to the waiting room to meet the photographer. We had time for like 10 minutes of pics and then we had to dash off to meet Tyler's family who Tyler called to gather everything that we prepared the night before to the reception site. Believe me, with all the details, it was no small feat. Anyway, we get to the sight and I am freaking out cuz I did not get to use decoration that I spent hrs prepping. The stress was building and building I then I took a breath and decided to accept things as they were and enjoy myself. I needed to remember that though things were not quite as I envisioned them, things were still beautiful. I had made my life goal to got to the temple and I was sealed to my wonderful husband and beautiful son Ian.

Alicia said as we were driving to the reception site, "After all the work you did to put this together, I think I want to elope."