Ode to Cruzer

I am grieving the loss of my dog Cruzer. I gave him up for adoption Saturday cause he was not getting along with Ian. Cruzer was very nervous around him and would often whimper when Ian was around. We have had Cruzer in our home for 3 yrs. He was adopted at a no-kill shelter in September 2005. The day I met him he jumped right up and kissed me on the lips. Cruzer was a stray and very skinny that September day. You could see his ribs and his hip bones clearly. His hair was very coarse and dirty but his personality shined through all of this and we decided to take him home to live with us. Right away he ran around the yard like a jack rabbit with bright eyes and a gaping smile. Tyler played fetch with him for a while in the yard and took to Cruzer immediately. I really thought that Cruzer would be a companion for Tyler and Barkley would be my baby. As time went on Cruzer and I began to bond more and more. Soon he was by my side waiting for me right by the door when I took a shower or went the bathroom. He would lie silently on the floor each time and wait for me to emerge and then where ever I went, he would make the rounds with me. When we met Cruzer at the shelter Barkley was the least impressed of all of us. Barkley snarled at Cruzer at their first meet, when we brought Cruzer home Barkley seemed to say, "What in the heck are you doing here and when, pray tell are your going to leave. For three years Cruzer endured many reprimands from Barkley asserting his dominance and Cruzer seemed to take all the snaps, barking and chasing instride. He gladly let Barkley know what he respected his Alpha-ness and overall kept his distance when Barkley got haughty. Barkley was also very poorly socialized if at all when we got him. But in time Cruzer who tried for months, finally got Barkley to play with him on a daily basis. It was a miracle by my measure as Barkley only ever barked at dogs but Cruzer the wonder dog was able to bring that out in him. Our son Ian was born on Feb 14th 2008. I thought from the begining Cruzer, our easy going submissive pooch would get along great with Ian and Barkley our jealous dominat dog would be the one to have problems. But as Ian grew and became more mobile, the opposite proved true. All Cruzers anxiety around Ian came to a climax when one day Ian crawled up the stairs to Cruzers bowl, and began playing in his food. Cruzer remained calm and I took Ian and put him downstairs near his daddy so the dogs could continue to eat. Ian then climed the stairs again and this time took Cruzers bowl and tipped it over spilling all the food on the floor. This time, Cruzer got mad and nipped Ian at the bridge of his nose. It was no deeper then a scratch but Tyler was sold at that instant that Cruzers days were numbered in our household. I tearfully pleaded that we could make it work and Tyler gave me a 30 day time frame. Well, in those 30 days Cruzer got more and more nervous around Ian. Though he did not ever bite Ian again, he would whimper and bark at him. Finally, Tyler placed an add in Craigslist and started the process of finding Cruzer a new home. On Saturday March 7th. A women came over with her boyfriend to meet Cruzer and see if they got along. Right away, the took to him and wanted to take him home. I got the leash put in on Cruzer and the walked out the door down the steps and into her car. Most of Saturday I was hoping that Cruzer was adjusting well to Sara and John and his new home. I worried that night if he would feel lonely and sad with out us. Sunday morning Sara was great about emailing me to let me know that he was doing well and that she adored him even after he pooped in Pet Smart. But on Sunday night, I became overcome with emotion. Since then, I can't stop crying thinking about him and his sweet happy personality. I Remember him always by my side, following me everywhere around the house like a shadow, close like an appendage. It is hard not having him near me sitting next to me..waiting by the door for me...so loyal, so present. Now that space beside me that kept Cruzer's company is vacant. I really thought that the day Cruzer left would be cathartic for Barkley who from day one would emphasize his dominance over Cruzer. I thought that he would be content to go back to being our one and only. The two of them use to follow me around the house together Barkley being older only half as much as Cruzer. I thought that at least I will have Barkley after Cruzer leaves. But Barkley now spends 95% of the day on the couch or at the window. When I let him outside, he lingers there waiting or looking for something that should be there but isn't anymore. Loosing Cruzer for right now has not been like loosing one dog but two, Like Barkley surrendered those traits that Cruzer brought out in him when Cruzer took his final exit. In time, I really hope that Barkley comes around, I hope the heart ache that I feel catches wind of a spark of joy and laughter instead of tears when I remember Cruzer Doo.